I am NOT strong. So, how did I navigate cancer?

 I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9 NABRE

“You have cancer”

In the summer of 2016, I completed a two year battle against two independent cancers. Hearing the words, “you have cancer” took my breath away, caused the room to spin, and flooded my brain with rapid-firing thoughts and questions. It would be untruthful to say that I was not afraid. I was frightened of the painful treatment, my future prospects and how this challenge would affect my family. I wondered, “would I survive?” And I questioned whether I had the strength and courage for the fight.

The day after my first diagnosis, I rummaged through my drawer of scripture notes and study guides seeking wisdom. I wasn’t looking for a particular item, but knew that peace could only come by reading and praying the word of God. As I sifted through the piles of booklets and my scribbly notepads, I found a laminated bookmark, with no recollection from where it came. An image of Jesus was on the front side and one sentence was on the back: “Lord, Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I together can’t handle.” That sentence became my constant prayer.

“Lord, Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen to me today that you and I together can’t handle.”

Trust like Joshua

The bookmark inspired me to open my bible to the book of Joshua. As the successor of Moses, Joshua led the Israelites into the Promised Land after 40 years of wandering. But their journey was not over. To claim the land, they had to conquer the Canaanites. At God’s instruction, Joshua led the Israelites to their first battle at the mighty fortress of Jericho. For six days, they marched around the towering walls, and on the seventh day, the walls miraculously collapsed, allowing them to enter and conquer the city. Joshua’s unwavering faithfulness and trust in God, even in the face of fear and uncertainty, inspired my prayers and my confidence.

As my cancer journey progressed, I found myself reciting, “I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord, your God, is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9) I repeatedly prayed this scripture passage while lying in the MRI tube, falling asleep on the operating table or receiving painful treatments. As fear welled up in my chest and in my mind, I’d call out to God in prayer. He always answered just as He did for Joshua. I felt His presence and was not alone. I was safe, loved and guarded. The fear dissipated. I was calm and at peace and felt fortified to deal with whatever was to happen next.

The book of Joshua is not about finding strength to do God’s will. It is about trusting and accepting God’s strength that enables us to get through battles. Joshua trusted the Lord with his entire being. Because of his faith, not his strength or power, the walls of Jericho fell. In the same way, when we relinquish control and trust God and His faithfulness, the walls of fear also crumble.

Lessons learned during my cancer battle:

• God is faithful and He is always with us.
• I do not have to try to be strong. His strength is enough.
• There is peace when handing over control to God.
• Ask God for strength and courage, even in the day to day challenges
• It’ll be ok, even if it’s not ok at the moment. God’s got it covered.

The story of my battle

The following stories were posted 2 and half years apart on my local newspaper’s website. My cancer diagnosis occurred while I was a weekly health blogger for the York Daily Record. I shared my story through YDR because, after years of writing about and living a healthy lifestyle, I wanted the community to know that sometimes cancer (or other illness) still happens.

Blindsided: Healthy living advocate battles eye cancer – York Daily Record – April 10, 2014

Surviving cancer, twice, changes your priorities – York Daily Record – December 31, 2016.